“A luxury resort in San Diego is offering rooms for $19 a night—if you don’t mind sleeping in a tent.
The Rancho Bernardo Inn boasts three pools, a spa and a golf course. It typically charges more than $200 a room. But business is down. So from Aug. 16 to 31, guests can get a ‘Survivor Package’ that charges them less for each amenity they give up. For $19, guests give up breakfast, air conditioning, lights, sheets and even the bed. Staff will remove the mattress and headboard and leave a small tent instead. Oh, and bring your own toilet paper. General manager John Gates says the hotel hopes people who try the promotion will return at full price.”
This leads me to ask-
If life becomes so demanding that you opt for the “Survivor Package” (when it comes to your marriage), which “amenity” should be the last thing you give up?
A. Learning patience.
B. Anger management.
C. Good conversation.
D. Avoiding “cheap shots.”
If you answered-
A. Patience has (and always will be) a virtue, especially when it comes to marriage. Too many marital partners lack the patience it takes to maintain an intimate marriage. A lack of patience is why so many couples have lost the spark of romance. All of this would make it appear to be the most obvious correct answer, but it is only a close second. Patience is like air conditioning. It makes everyone sweat less, but there are other relational amenities that are more important to survival.
B. Anger management is necessary if you want to keep the peace in a relationship. It offers the same kind of protection a good lock on your hotel room door does. Maintaining intimacy in a marriage, however, demands more protection than defensive moves like a locked door can provide.
C. Correct. Dr. Willard F. Harley, author of “His Needs/Her Needs, believes the behavior that is the most basic to creating and sustaining intimacy in marriage is what he has termed “intimacy through conversation.”
He believes conversation is so important to intimacy that very few people fall in love unless their communication patterns meet very high standards. To protect your marriage you must keep love’s fires burning bright through conversation with your spouse.
Dr. Harley suggests these keys to successful conversation:
Investigate, inform and understand- No matter how long you have been together, you have not begun to exhaust all there is to know about each other. Refuse to get bored or just plain lazy.
Develop an interest in each other’s favorite topic of conversation- Discussing a topic that interests your partner will greatly increase his/her involvement and enjoyment of your conversation.
Strive for balance- Good conversation is a two-way street. Your aim is to make it interactive and lively. The only way to accomplish this is to strive for equal participation. This requires slowing down if you are the talkative partner and speaking up if you are not.
Give your undivided attention- Even though we have all tried our best to watch the TV, read a newspaper or play a game on the internet while attempting to converse with our spouse we have all experienced the same result—IT ISN’T HUMANLY POSSIBLE! Dr. Harley insists that 15 minutes a week of undivided attention to your conversation with each other is an absolute minimum if you want to maintain a happy marriage.
D. Way too many couples take “cheap shots” at each other. Respecting your spouse enough to refuse what many to believe is a marital right (taking a cheap shot) is not powerful enough to govern intimacy. For many, however, it would be a pleasant start…like having toilet paper in your bathroom.
A solid, growing marriage demands every amenity you can supply. If, however, life has forced your relationship into a “survivor package,” refuse to give up the luxury of good conversation. It has the power to transform the bare essentials into a lavish oasis of comfort and security.
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