This widely held definition of communication is the cause of many of the problems we experience in our family relationships. Developing healthy families require a greater depth of communication than this definition embodies. Healthy family relationships are built on our willingness to readily receive messages, not just sending them. When it comes to our fellow family members, many of us make the mistake of talking without taking time, lecturing without listening and chattering away without challenging ourselves to understand the others’ point of view. Baby…we talk too much!
This leads me to ask-
In the typical family system, who is most likely to talk too much?
A. Wives.
B. Husbands.
C. Parents.
D. Teenage daughters.
If you answered-
A. Are you surprised that this is not the correct answer? While many women enjoy a good conversation, most are more than willing to take the time to listen and understand.
B. I am sure very few actually picked this choice. The greatest complaint most women have is that their husbands won’t talk at all (most women tell me that a talking husband is about as rare as a talking zebra). Guys, “strong and silent” was great for Gary Cooper, but if you want your marriage to be strong, don’t be silent!
C. Correct. Talking too much is one of the most common mistakes I see good parents make. Lecturing rarely works with children of any age. Usually, our kids will only listen to our “wealth of knowledge and wisdom” only after we have taken the time to listen to them first. Recent research from the University of Michigan verifies what parenting experts have long believed, they found that careful listening is the key to positive communication with our kids.
Recent research encourages these steps anytime you attempt to talk to your children:
Step 1- Rephrase and clarify what you think you heard from your child in order to check for understanding.
Step 2- Acknowledge his/her thoughts and feelings, even if you don’t agree. This is very important if you desire to maintain a positive flow to your conversation.
Step 3- Offer your own thoughts and feelings on the matter only after you have listened carefully and acknowledged your child’s perspective.
D. Teenage daughters are notorious for talking too much, but not to anyone in their family…that would just be gross.
Parents don’t make the mistake of believing that communication is simply the “articulation of sending a message.” Positive communication with our children challenges us to listen before we lecture. If you refuse the advice from University of Michigan’s parenting research, don’t be surprised if you hear your kids sing:
“Don’t get me wrong [Mom and Dad] I don’t mean to complain,
But if you keep talking you’re gonna drive me insane,
You keep on talking all around the clock,
I’m begging you [Parents] won’t you please stop”
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