My Dad is more thankful this year that the mosquito season is almost over than he has been in years past. He's grateful that Mom didn't learn about a new method to eliminate the troublesome pests before the weather had started to turn colder. The key ingredient in Mom's plan to get rid of the mosquitoes was a potent mixture of bat dung. Dad was concerned about the effect that the pungent odor might have on their neighborhood. He was worried that the stench from the bat dung might waft across the neighborhood, forcing his neighbors to clamp clothes pin on their noses before they went out for their evening strolls.

Another thing that bothered Dad about Mom's idea was the procedure they would use to distribute the stuff. Being the owner of a dog for three years now, I've had some experience handling dung. It is not something that I enjoy. I approach the task like a doctor who is about to perform an intimate test. First, I remove a plastic, sandwich bag, which functions like a glove, from my back pocket. Next, I carefully slide the glove over my right hand and clamp it around my wrist. Then, I spend a few seconds with my head bowed, wishing that we could somehow teach our dog, Hershey, to clean up after himself. Finally, I reach down with my gloved hand and remove the dung from the yard. Over the years, I've found this process to be successful except on the rare occasion when the bag breaks. That's when I call my wife to help me.

Dad wasn't about to walk around his yard with a plastic, sandwich bag full of bat dung attached to his hand. Their neighbors might think he's gone crazy, or something. Dad wouldn't even consider reaching into the bag of bat dung barehanded and grabbing the gooey mixture. There's no telling what might be in that dung. Of course, Dad could attempt to appoint Mom as the "Head Dung Distributor" of their home, but, I'm sure Mom would refuse the title, reminding Dad that he was in charge of any and all yard work, including distributing dung. When it comes to dung, there are no equal rights.

Fortunately, Dad has several months to come up with a plan to get rid of the mosquitoes, that doesn't involve bat dung before the pesky pests return. He could buy a dozen bug-zappers and hang them from the tree in his back yard. However, that would be costly, and Dad doesn't like to spend his money. He could put out some of those citrus candles, but they only work when their burning, and their mosquito problem is so intense, they need something that is effective 24-hours a day. Dad could stand out in the yard with a flyswatter, and hunt the bugs down, but, that would interfere with his golf playing, and nothing comes between Dad and golf. If all else fails, I guess Dad will have to just get use to handling dung.

Thankfully, for dad, I have an idea that would help him resolve the issue. He can spend the winter at my house perfecting his procedure for handling dung. Hey, I'll even provide the plastic bags, and I'm sure Hershey wouldn't mind at all.